Never thought this would happen

Well this sure is something I never saw myself doing (I don't mean sitting in my underwear watching community I mean blogging). If I'm being honest I never really saw the appeal of reading what was going on in someone's day and assumed that was all that blogging was, then I was diagnosed with M.E and unable to work. This led to me having a hell of a lot of spare time and finding things to do that would not entail much energy which is pretty damn hard for someone who has always been sporty, worked and liked excersise. There are only so many tv shows, movies and video games I could induldge in in a row before needing something else. Public forums were the next stretch and after a few weeks posting on forums from themes ranging from comic book culture to wrestling (I ADMIT IT I'M AN ADULT WHO STILL LIKES WRESTLING!) you begin to realise that there are so many many arseholes in the world and a large percentage of them frequent the forums I post in. For every person you have something in common with and enjoy their posts there are twenty others who are screaming for attention and trying to be funny by partaking in this new trend known as "trolling". So I was reading the occassional blogs through google searches on lists of top ten such and such and started to realise that blogs can actually be pretty damn funny and entertaining. Ok so this first entry is more than likely going to come across as dour and a bit depressing but I swear it's just an introduction, most of the posts will be humour based but to introduce you all to myself I'm going to have to explain a few things and life hasn't been a bed of roses for me in the last few years. This isn't self pitying and I am fully aware that there are many many people who have problems far worse than me but hey I wear my heart on my sleeve and my dinner on my shirt and this will help you get to know me. I've led an interesting life and met many interesting people, I was a good little footballer when I was younger getting up to the level of training in the youth teams of Hibs and Dundee fc from the ages of 13-16 when I became disillusioned with the culture and constant injuries I was getting in my knee. I then turned my hand to music where I taught myself guitar and bass and played in a bunch of probably rubbish punk bands. Hey I loved them and I've toured Britain and had a hell of a time. I still play and currently just formed a new band. That's on the downlow at the minute with my illness but I'll keep you updated. I worked at a summer camp in America at 19 and met some amazing people and studied mental health at university. This where things take a slightly nasty turn. I suffered quite badly from depression between 2005-2011, this took many things from me. Friends, careers and relationships all suffered due to my mental state. Looking back as someone who beat depression I cringe at some of the ways I acted, for me it was the anxiety that was the worst. I would become almost agorophobic, wouldn't go to the doctors, dentist and sometimes even my friends birthdays because I was having anxiety attacks or close to it. This started to translate to university life, I was coming to the end of my degree in late 2010 and I pretty much hit my lowest point. I am not one to throw this around and I'm not someone who takes this kind of shit lightly but I considered suicide. I don't say these things for attention and I'm not crying for help because I beat depression and that's why I am posting this. If anyone is reading this and I mean anyone who gets something from this I am a happy man, trust me you can beat it and it can get better. I am ill and without money because of my illness right now and I haven't slipped back into my depression and I am so proud of that, it proves it can be done. I have a reason to be depressed and I'm not, that was unthinkable a couple of years back. I had a full on nervous breakdown and had to drop out of Uni 3 months from graduation, thats 3 years of my life gone but you know something? It's a massive weight off my shoulders, I kept things in too long trying to fight through it and I imploded. Everything came out and although I dont have the degree and career I was working for, I have some qualifications from it that led me to a new career path. Positive thinking like this didn't seem possible when I was ill and I really wish I had talked to people when I had the chance but depression does some crazy things to you and looking back I laugh ith my friends about it. It's certainly not funny for anyone who is suffering at the time but I like to laugh at how silly I was being back then. I mock my depression, I mock it because I know it means nothing to me now, I'll never give it the validation of defining me or controlling me. Anyway I doubt many people will read this but if you do and you are struggling yourself, you'll learn to laugh at it too no matter how impossible that may seem. I met my beautiful girlfriend in 2009 when I was really bad with the depression and she didn't even know until my meltdown so this is a message to all the good boyfriends, girlfriends out there. Depression isn't necessarily circumstantial, it's not your fault your other half is depressed it's a mental illness that doesn't need anything to trigger it. The best thing you can do is listen and trust your partner and try to understand. My fair lady was so supportive of me and didn't judge, she didn't understand at all but she never gave up on me. Im so proud of her and grateful to have her.Aaaaaaanyway this morbid discussion is not what I am about, believe it or not I'm a barrell of laughs. It's what I've always been known for, just shows anyone can suffer and not everyone will know. First post out of the way now lets have some fun.  Im doing lists of top....whatevers so give me some ideas on what you want to see.Cho xxxx